New Journey

      We don't consider ourselves on a TTC journey anymore. I mean, technically, IF my body were to start working the right way and IF I were to just get pregnant on my own...great! We'd be so happy and excited. However, since that is not going to happen anytime soon, we are thinking we are done TTC for the next year! Starting this Friday, we are starting a new journey!
      We are calling it "A Year of Sacrifice- A Financial & Spiritual Journey"! We have decided to take a year off of EVERYTHING!

      From this November to November 2014, here are some rules or outlines we are following-

• NO fast food or eating out
• NO vacations or trips home
• NO shopping for anything, including presents for others (besides groceries)
• Cut back on monthly expenses
• Stick to a new budget

And, most importantly, PAY OFF ALL CREDIT CARD DEBT!

      Like I said, cold turkey...it's going to be so difficult but it's something that needs to be done. Unfortunately for us, anytime we try to commit to something or change something, we stick to it for a very short amount of time and then go back to old habits. This is part of the reason why we need to go cold turkey, because allowing a dinner out here and there would only make us want to eat out even more and sooner or later, we'd be back to eating out numerous times a week.
      We have $9,995 in credit card debt and our goal is to pay it all off by next November. That's a lot of money and because it's a large sum of debt, we are taking on any and all extra cash! My husband is currently working on changing to a new position at work where he'd be able to get more overtime! We also are going to donate plasma twice a week, which brings in an extra $400 per month with us both doing it! (I just started last week, and hubby is starting next week.)
      Because we won't be wasting money on eating out and shopping, we will also be able to put that money towards the debt! And because we won't be eating out and because we'll have a simple and small budget for groceries we are certain we'll lose weight! Also we will, more than anything, be relying on God's strength as our own isn't enough! We hope to grow closer to Him on this journey as well!
      We would so much rather sacrifice this year in order to have financial peace for our future family! We don't want to be stuck in this cycle of debt any longer!
      I'm telling you all here about our new plan to remain accountable. At least once a month I will update you on how we're doing and where our grand total of debt is at! Prayers to remain obedient and strong are greatly appreciated!

Two Years!

      This week marks our official two year "anniversary" of TTC! TWO. YEARS. NO BABY!?!?
      These last two years have been full of sadness, disappointment, and grief as we dealt with two miscarriages, lots of tests and medicine. Having made the decision recently to stop all treatment and give it all to God has made us so much stronger in faith!
      With my jealousy issues taking over less space in my heart and head, I have more time to reflect on how much of a blessing these last two years have been. We still have quite a bit of debt to eliminate, and weight to lose. Had we gotten pregnant earlier, we wouldn't be able to focus on these two areas and give them the attention they deserve.
     Also, I've posted previously on how wonderful and how much stronger my marriage has grown because of this whole ordeal. It has connected us in a way that might not have happened otherwise. I'm so proud of us and how much we've grown together.
      However, I think the relationship that has grown the most is my relationship with the Lord. I honestly, wholeheartedly, believe that He put me on this journey so that I could connect with Him and grown in Him. I can admit that two years ago when I started this journey, I thought we were special, that we deserved a baby. I was naive. Don't get me wrong, we are great people and will make wonderful parents. But, we are human; we have sins, and we have many areas that need strengthened. We thought we could do this on our own; that we were good enough and perfect...and that couldn't be farther from the truth. We needed to find God in a way that we hadn't before. We needed to trust in Him and Him alone. We needed to be humbled. We needed to be tested so that we could grow in many different areas. And it took us the majority of the first two years to realize this.
      I have full faith that as we continue to grow and change, we will finally get our miracle!

Happy Heart

      It's been awhile since I've posted! Last week we went back home to MI for my brother-in-law's wedding. It was great to see our family and friends again; plus the wedding was a lot of fun!

my husband (right) and his two brothers

I LOVE HIM!

photo with my new sister-in-law

      My heart is changing drastically still! I just finished a book called Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst (thanks to my mother-in-law for giving it to me). I feel like that book was written just for me! Everything I'm struggling with; everything I need to change; everything I want for my life...was in this book! Now I'm just working on applying all of the concepts and making my new way of life a reality! This is the hard part...but I've learned that I was made for more; that God didn't curse me with a food addiction and obese body; this is just the path He put me on to get closer to Him. I highly recommend this book! 

      I can also wholeheartedly admit that my whole jealousy issues are starting to go away! I no longer pout when I get word that so-and-so is pregnant. I don't feel sorry for myself that everyone around me is getting pregnant and having babies. I daily ask God to take away the pain, anxiety, stress, and jealousy. I can't handle it and frankly it's not something that I need to focus my time and energy on, so I give it all to Him. I 120+% trust in Him and know that when the time is right, in His time, we will get pregnant! And since this problem with jealousy is minimal these days, I'm much happier and way more positive!