Clarification

      After I posted my last post I had two people ask if everything was okay in my relationship with my husband. When I said we needed to work on us, I was referring to our lifestyle- losing weight, getting out of debt, and working on our faith. Our marriage is perfectly fine, and never better to be honest.
      I am extremely obese and if I don't work on changing this now, I never will. Also, if I were to lose significant weight, TTC would be so much easier. I need to lose weight, but I am more looking forward to changing my relationship with food and just getting healthier. I want to transform my body into something I can be proud of instead of something I am embarrassed and ashamed of. My husband also needs to lose weight and change his relationship with food too.
      We are in quite a bit of credit card debt, and school loan debt, and are trying to work our way out of it. However, these past two months we've spent over $300 per cycle on Clomid. That extra money should have gone towards our debt to make things less tight for us. We desperately would like to eliminate at least half of our credit card debt by the time we get pregnant. I know that if we had gotten pregnant this cycle or before, we would have made it financially; but instead of spending money how we wanted, like spoiling our new baby, we'd still be working on getting out of debt. So I think taking a break would be a good idea even if it just gives us a few extra months to focus on getting rid of some debt.
      As you know from reading my posts, I have struggled greatly with my faith because I'm not able to fathom what we're going through. We had stopped going to church and started to believe that God was against us; that He was doing this to us because He didn't want us to be happy. That couldn't be farther from the truth! I'm still not sure on why we have been put on this TTC journey, but now instead of questioning it, I remind myself that God has a plan. For the last month we have been going to, and enjoying, a new church in our town. I can't even express to you the changes I'm noticing in myself. In fact, today we had Tony Nolan speak at service and by the end of the service I had recommitted my life to God. And for the first time...EVER, I did this publicly! I raised my hand when asked if I had committed my life to God today; I walked down front with a bunch of other people to be prayed over and cheered for by fellow church members; and I ended the service talking to and praying with a few other women. It was beyond wonderful. I can now honestly say that I read my Bible daily and that it is transforming my life in a way I never thought possible. I have been on such a heartbreaking journey these past two years and I had given up; but now...I am ready to start fresh. I am ready to put all of my faith in the Lord and wait for his plan to be unveiled. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13
      Anyway, so that's why we're taking a break from TTC. We will take a few months off at the very least to focus on these three areas. I'm praying that we can make progress with each of these soon so that we can pick up TTC again. I'm not going to enjoy taking a break. Two of the moms I do daycare for had their baby girls this weekend, and as happy as I am, and as much as I already love them, my heart is a little sad because I want my own baby! I wish I was a patient person. But, at least I can still get my baby fix with these two babies until it's my turn.