My Grandpa

      I do not have a very festive spirit today. I took down all my Christmas stuff and put them all away! My house is back to normal. Usually I leave my Christmas decor up until a few days after New Years, as long as I can, but I wanted them down now!
      So, my grandpa is in the hospital! He has pneumonia and another infection. When I was in high school, he had to have a lung transplant. After that he had multiple lung infections and has almost died a few times. Thankfully, each time he's pulled through. Last year he was on a waiting list for another lung transplant but for a whatever reason it never happened. His breathing keeps getting worse and worse and he's become very immobile, as walking even a few steps is too much for him to handle before he'd lose his breath and have to stop. Anyway, he went to the local hospital in Grand Rapids, MI yesterday but after talking with his specialist in Ann Arbor, they decided to move him to The University of Michigan hospital.

       When my dad called me last night to tell me grandpa was in the hospital, he suggested we start thinking about how we'll get home for a funeral. He also said to have my husband check into how much time he gets off for a loved ones passing. This made me really depressed even though we really don't know too much right now. My husband is telling me not to worry until we know more but I am feeling really guilty. My grandpa so badly wanted us to make him a great grandpa. He was so excited for future grand babies. Every time we'd see him he'd ask what was going on and how the whole TTC situation was coming along. He said he was holding on so that he could be around to meet our baby. Since I am on BC now and the whole baby making process is on hold for another 9-10 months, it feels hopeless to say he'll be around when we finally do get pregnant and have a baby.
      Also, a friend announced she's having a boy the other day, and another friend announced her pregnancy to me yesterday too. I know deep down I am happy for them, but I can't help but feel really bitter and jealous today! I think I need to go spend some time in my Bible and in prayer in hopes that I will be able to let these emotions go.