One of the major obstacles that have hindered our chances of
getting and staying pregnant is the fact that I am overweight. I am technically
considered obese, which is heartbreaking to me. If I weren't overweight, would
we have had miscarriages? If I weren't obese, would we be parents by now? I blame
myself for the miscarriages and for us not being able to get pregnant. It kills
me to know that our failure is because of my laziness and unhealthy habits. I
have started to look at food as my addiction. Trying to lose weight is more of
a mental obstacle than anything else. I know I have to make some drastic
changes in order to see positive results, but right now I’m willing to do just
about anything.
Ideally, I’d be able to lose about 120 pounds! I know crazy
right?! I have let myself get to such an unhealthy place. I have struggled with
my weight since 5th grade. It has attributed to my low self-esteem,
and my anxiety and depression. However, until now, I’d never really seen it. I've always known I needed to lose weight. I knew I was in plus sizes, and that I
was unhappy, but I, in all honesty, didn't ever know it was THIS bad. I have
tried any and every kind of diet program, and even a few different diet pills
or supplements. I would lose weight for a bit, but slowly put it back on, plus
some. I am one of the most impatient people I know, which caused mental obstacles
when it comes to weight loss. If I wasn't seeing results right away, I’d get
discouraged and quit. If I felt it was too hard and too time consuming then I’d
just give up. If I’m being honest with myself, I can admit that I've never really
given weight loss 100% of my effort. If I had, I wouldn't be this size anymore.
I would have stuck with a diet program long enough for it to change my lifestyle
and views on food and health. I am beyond disappointed in myself for getting to
this weight and size.
My husband is also overweight, but dieting and weight loss
comes easier for him. However, he has struggled with sticking to a program in
the past. Since our first miscarriage, we let things get really bad. We were eating
out multiple times a week with most of that being on the weekends. We were also
drinking so much pop that we’d go through a few 2-liters each a week. We were
so unhappy and depressed, that we let our laziness get in the way of
everything. As soon as we’d get home from work we’d sit on the couch and watch
TV until bed. We rarely worked out, and if we did it wasn't consistent or
difficult. However, since the beginning of the year we have made quite a few
changes! Together, we have cut out pop and junk food in the house. We are also
on a dining out schedule, where we allow ourselves to go on a date once every
two weeks or so. We are not necessarily on a diet program, but are just
watching our portions and adding more fruits and veggies into our meals instead
of processed and sugary snacks. Our evenings and free time are spent in the gym.
We are trying to get there at least 4-5 times a week. Weight lifting has become
a passion. Instead of sitting on the couch planted in front of the TV like
before, we are trying to spend more time outside going on walks.
We have been feeling more energetic and happy. I
am not seeing any physical changes in my body yet, but I am enjoying the mental
changes that are starting to happen. I look forward to blogging about this
weight loss experience. And I hope my changes will inspire others! 
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