I am sure many of you can relate that when you’re struggling
with something it’s so much easier to be mad at God then it is to seek His
help. I have been here for a while. I can’t understand for the life of me why
other women get pregnant so easily and I am struggling! My jealousy GREATLY
affects my faith. Over this past year or so, I have pulled away from Church because at times I've felt God did this to me. It’s been hard for
me to accept that God’s plan for my life is different than mine. It’s been hard
to put all of my faith and trust in Him. He loves me and wants me to be happy,
I’m sure it hurts Him to see me sad too.
Believe me, I’m still jealous. It seems like EVERYDAY
someone new is announcing that they’re pregnant or posting ultrasound or newborn baby pictures on Facebook. Most of my good friends have babies. I
don’t know that I’ll ever understand why God chose to make me go through this
instead of one of them. Maybe He knows something about me that I haven’t quite
yet learned about myself?
I feel however, that I am slowly starting to grow. I know He
will bless us with a baby. I am certain of this. After all, God created me and
gave me this desire and love for children. I have been spending more time in
prayer lately and am ready to go back to church. I feel like not only am I trying
to make drastic changes in my life as far as my health is concerned, I’m also
ready to make similar changes in my heart and with my relationship with God.
I am working on my jealousy as well. It is difficult, and I’m
sure I’ll use this blog as an outlet to express myself when I’m feeling
jealous! Be warned! But, I am trying to accept that this is what I’m going through
right now and at the end of this journey I will be a much better and stronger
woman, blessed with a beautiful baby!
I will leave you with this Bible verse that I am constantly
reminding myself of; Jeremiah 29:11. “For I know the plans I have for you,”
declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
His timing is perfect... even if we don't understand
ReplyDeleteThis is beautiful! Keep your head up and keep growing things will happen for you in the right time. I am sure you have heard this line of garbage from everyone.
ReplyDeleteThe only words of advice I have for you is the same that I have shared with Amanda and Bianca. Always remember that Life is a journey and not a destination. You need to learn that you cannot control the way you want your life to go! I play this song over and over, It is Aerosmith's Amazing, listen to the words and the light bulb will go off I promise!
I kept the right ones out
And let the wrong ones in
Had an angel of mercy to see me through all my sins
There were times in my life
When I was goin' insane
Tryin' to walk through
The pain
When I lost my grip
And I hit the floor
Yeah,I thought I could leave but couldn't get out the door
I was so sick and tired
Of livin' a lie
I was wishin that I
Would die
[Chorus:]
It's Amazing
With the blink of an eye you finally see the light
It's Amazing
When the moment arrives that you know you'll be alright
It's Amazing
And I'm sayin' a prayer for the desperate hearts tonight
That one last shot's a Permanent Vacation
And how high can you fly with broken wings?
Life's a journey not a destination
And I just can't tell just what tomorrow brings
You have to learn to crawl
Before you learn to walk
But I just couldn't listen to all that righteous talk, oh yeah
I was out on the street,
Just tryin' to survive
Scratchin' to stay
Alive
[Chorus]
Have fun enjoy your life and live everyday like there is no tomorrow!