Monday, May 13, 2013

Taking the Next Step


My husband and I have been talking a lot about officially going on Provera and Clomid. I finally made a doctor’s appointment for June 12th. I found out though that my regular doctor is on maternity leave…go figure! So I will have to see a different doctor in the practice, which I’m feeling apprehensive about. They don’t know my history so I hope I won’t have to explain my situation all over. I hope they will allow me to go on the meds since that is what my doctor said was okay. I guess it will be nice to have a second opinion. Maybe they will recognize something in my situation that my regular doctor didn't; maybe they’ll know exactly what is wrong.
                If I’m being honest, I’m actually a little worried about starting these meds. I desperately want a baby; we desperately want a baby! But my weight loss journey is not going well. I keep going back and forth and can’t stick to anything no matter how hard I feel I’m trying. I’m disappointed, but I’m not really being down or hard on myself. I don’t know that that’s a good thing; maybe I should be harder on myself so that I stick with it. Anyway, how am I going to feel if I get pregnant soon at this size? I just can’t imagine being this size (I’d like to enter my size in pounds here, but it’s way too big to share) and gaining extra pregnancy weight. I would be miserable (at that size, not actually being pregnant)! I would like to lose more weight before we get pregnant, but that’s obviously not happening. And besides, that would take another year or two to get to the ideal weight, and we’re already at least a year and a half into TTC!
                Well, I guess I’ll just keep praying about everything and just see what happens! 

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