[MY] Ten Reasons for Losing Weight

      So I just started a new book on my kindle called 100 Days of Weight Loss: The Secret To Being Successful on Any Diet Plan. Right now I've just started the sample, and I’m not very far into it. If I enjoy it and stick with it for a week I will end up buying it, but right now I’m not sure how I’ll like it. Anyway, the reason I’m bringing this up is because it suggests that you write down at least 10 reasons why you want to lose weight. So I decided to start a list.

1. (Obviously) to help with my fertility issues, conception, and ultimately have babies...at least 3 to be exact, but for now we'll just work on having baby #1.
2. To be able to wear my wedding rings again. It has been a LONG time since I've worn them and I miss them. My husband did such a good job picking my set out and I desperately want to wear them again to show them off!
3. To have my sex drive back. Even though we are trying for a baby, we really don’t have a lot of sex, at least not like we used to. I hate my body and that affects everything in the bedroom.
4. To get rid of my depression and anxiety, and finally feel like my old self in social situations. My anxiety, especially, is closely related to my weight…my anxiety spikes in certain situations because of my body. For example, when I see old friends I get extremely anxious because I don’t want them to see me like I am now. Or meeting new people, because I’m afraid they’ll judge me too quickly because of my weight. Or going on an airplane because I’m terrified I won’t fit in the seat right and will have to ask for a seat belt extender. Or going to a water park because I’m afraid, because of my weight, that I will not fit down the slide, or pop an inner tube. Because of these fears, I try to avoid these situations where my anxiety is going to act up. I try my best to make plans with friends or plan different and new date ideas with my hubby, but most of the time I end up canceling or making up some excuse to get out of them because of this horrible anxiety due to my weight.
5. To improve my energy for my daycare kiddos. I love my kids dearly, but they sure do tire me out! I enjoy being lazy, but that’s not exactly an option with my kids who are 2 and 9 months old. There are times when I feel really guilty because I feel like I can’t do an activity with them because of my weight. Lately, this has been getting better, thankfully. But previously, the 2 year old and I would be outside playing and he’d want me to run with him. Well I obviously get tired before he does and stop and then end up telling him that I’ll just watch him. It’s not fair to him, and I hate that I can’t always join in. Like I said though, lately things have been different. I have been making myself run around with him more. I've been enjoying teaching him soccer when we have nice enough weather to go outside. I don’t mind getting tired out, in fact, I’m enjoying it because I know it’s good for me and something I need to be doing to improve my health. He is ecstatic to be racing me and learning how to kick the ball. I want more of this!
6. To be more adventurous, active, and to be more willing to try new things. I have a bucket list of things I’d like to try, but don’t because of my weight…and maybe finances! My husband and I have made a list of different things we want to start doing this summer. Examples: hiking in the Shenandoah Valley, FINALLY pumping up our bike tires and going on bike rides, going bowling (OK, I've been bowling before, plenty of times, but we don’t really go anymore, kind of goes back to how I avoid social situations)…or even places we want to go this summer; to Kings Dominion amusement park and to DC to name a couple. We are going on vacation in May with some friends of ours that moved to FL last year. We rented a cabin in the Smokey Mountains! I am super excited, but have a lot of anxiety about trying new things, like white water rafting. I also would love to do a zip line that they have in the mountains, but right now I weigh too much and can’t. Unfortunately, it’s not even possible to lose enough weight by May to go on it.
7. To fit into smaller sized clothes and be able to enjoy shopping again. And more specifically, to be able to enjoy and fit into jeans again. I HATE wearing jeans because they’re so restricting, especially with my weight. Thankfully, since I play with little kids all day, it’s acceptable for me to wear sweats to work! But I miss being able to dress nice and feel comfortable. Now, whenever I have to dress nicely, for a date, to church, or to any other event, I wear them and quickly come home and change because I hate feeling uncomfortable for too long. Yet another reason why I get anxiety and try to avoid social situations, because in social situations I have to dress nicely, and it’s so hard to find something to wear that I like and that fits me right.
8. To be able to promote a healthy lifestyle for my future kids and to be able to be their role model. Ideally, I will lose as much weight as possible and have a routine with workouts and the gym that I can stick with, as well as a healthy diet, all before I have kids. So that when they come, they are automatically born into a healthy and active environment; so that they grow up that way. My hubby and I were both raised in households where we ate out or had fast food a few days a week. I don’t want to raise my kids like that. It’s also important to me to lose the weight before I have kids because I don’t want them to be embarrassed of me when they’re growing up. I was never embarrassed of my parent’s weights, but my sister was always embarrassed of my dad’s size while she was in high school. She was rude and disrespectful to him because of it (don’t get me wrong, I was disrespectful to my dad as well in HS, like most teenage girls, but not because of his weight, because he was my dad and a little dorky. Sorry dad.)
9. To help with our finances. If I were to lose weight and stick with dieting, we wouldn't eat out as much as we used to, especially at fast food places, therefore we’d save money that way. Also, I wouldn't have to buy as many sugary and processed snack foods at the grocery store. Not to mention, there’d be no long term health issues related to obesity if I lost weight, which would mean not as many doctor visits and medication, which, again, would save us money.
10. To change how I feel about myself. I want to be able to feel confident and sexy. I want to look in the mirror and smile. I want to be able to believe my husband when he pays me a compliment instead of rolling my eyes at him because I think he’s lying. I want to feel like the old me; the girl that actually loved herself.

      I'm sure there are MANY, MANY more reasons! The last time I truly loved myself, inside and out was 5 years ago! I had done weight watchers and lost a good amount of weight. I was down to the mid 170's! I realize that is still overweight, but I felt beautiful and confident and I looked great! I am right now at the biggest I've ever been, and no, I won't say what that number is! I have a drastic way to go to even reach that 175 mark!

HUGE difference :(

      The last time I posted, I mentioned how happy I was. Well, things feel differently now. I'm still enjoying the gym which is good. But, when I get home from work, I dread going, and I whine and beg my husband to not make us go. Then, I get to the gym and I LOVE IT! Probably in part to the C4 I take on the way to the gym! That stuff is magic! Anyway, my diet is suffering. I can't seem to stick with it. I do really good for a a few days and then go back to my old ways; back and forth! I lose a pound, then gain it back; lose two pounds, then gain them back. It is extremely frustrating! I know that this whole diet thing is what is killing me. I'm just having a difficult time staying with it, I don't know why! All the progress I do in the gym is usually undone by dinner the next day; so my workouts are pretty much useless at this point, no matter how much I'm enjoying them. UGH!!!