Two Years!

      This week marks our official two year "anniversary" of TTC! TWO. YEARS. NO BABY!?!?
      These last two years have been full of sadness, disappointment, and grief as we dealt with two miscarriages, lots of tests and medicine. Having made the decision recently to stop all treatment and give it all to God has made us so much stronger in faith!
      With my jealousy issues taking over less space in my heart and head, I have more time to reflect on how much of a blessing these last two years have been. We still have quite a bit of debt to eliminate, and weight to lose. Had we gotten pregnant earlier, we wouldn't be able to focus on these two areas and give them the attention they deserve.
     Also, I've posted previously on how wonderful and how much stronger my marriage has grown because of this whole ordeal. It has connected us in a way that might not have happened otherwise. I'm so proud of us and how much we've grown together.
      However, I think the relationship that has grown the most is my relationship with the Lord. I honestly, wholeheartedly, believe that He put me on this journey so that I could connect with Him and grown in Him. I can admit that two years ago when I started this journey, I thought we were special, that we deserved a baby. I was naive. Don't get me wrong, we are great people and will make wonderful parents. But, we are human; we have sins, and we have many areas that need strengthened. We thought we could do this on our own; that we were good enough and perfect...and that couldn't be farther from the truth. We needed to find God in a way that we hadn't before. We needed to trust in Him and Him alone. We needed to be humbled. We needed to be tested so that we could grow in many different areas. And it took us the majority of the first two years to realize this.
      I have full faith that as we continue to grow and change, we will finally get our miracle!

      And to update you on how things are going since we stopped Clomid...well, they're not! I didn't ovulate this cycle, and still haven't received my period. While on medication, my cycles were 27-28 days long; I'm currently on CD34... So technically we are still TTC, but if I'm not ovulating, there's no chance of it happening.
      I posted a FB status yesterday about our two year journey, and how we've stopped treatment, and numerous people commented that taking the stress off and not worrying so much that it will probably just happen now on its own. While I know these people are just being nice and are trying to give me some hope, their comments made me a little frustrated! Granted, more than half of them don't actually know the whole story or what actually medically is going on...but given my body and the fact that I can't ovulate...NO IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN ON IT'S OWN NOW! Oh how I wish that were the case! No ovulation means zero chance of getting pregnant!
      I'm still working on losing weight, and I pray that when I lose enough my body with normalize and ovulation with occur naturally.