Weakness

      I skipped the gym today and I feel bad for that, but also am enjoying being lazy. The reason why I chose to skip today was because of how my “workout” went yesterday. Hubby and I went to the gym yesterday afternoon; we did a quick shoulders, triceps, and chest workout and then decided to jump on the treadmill. I decided to start my couch to 5k program since I had just recently downloaded the app. I did a brisk walk for 5 minutes and then it was set to alternate between a 60 sec jog and 90 sec walk. I barely made it through the first 60 seconds of jogging. It was difficult for me, which is sad and embarrassing to admit, but I finished it and started the 90 sec walk. I instantly was hit with cramps and felt a gush of something. Knowing it was blood I got off and ran to the bathroom. Sure enough, it was! And it was heavy too! I hadn't had bleeding this heavy in MANY months. Luckily I had a light pad in my gym bag! After cleaning up I headed back out and told hubby we had to leave soon. I did a light walk on the treadmill while he finished up his mile and then we left.

      It was the worst “workout” and experience at the gym I've ever had. I maybe got 15 minutes of a weight workout and then maybe 10 minutes total on the treadmill. I almost cried in the car afterwards because I felt so bad; like I had quit. I know I had a good excuse to not push myself yesterday, but I still felt really guilty for not doing much. I felt really weak! Usually I leave the gym feeling really good about myself; feeling really strong and confident. But yesterday I felt like a big loser.

      I’m still bleeding really heavily and have light cramps. I’m also feeling very intimidated of the gym right now. I feel like I lost all of my confidence. It’s not a good feeling. So, I told Hubby I didn't feel like going today. Instead we made a nice dinner and watched the latest episode of The Walking Dead.

      I’m hoping tomorrow will be different! I already told him to make me go tomorrow. I need to get back no matter how I feel. If I don’t get over it, push through it, and get back soon, then I really will have quit…and I’m sick of quitting!