Change of Plans

      I made a quick note about a difficult decision that the husband and I made in a recent post. So, let me share that with you. As you know, I've been talking about starting provera and clomid at my next appointment which is coming up on the 12th. We've changed our minds. Being so close to that appointment made me start to feel anxious and scared. I desperately want to be pregnant and have a baby, but I also want to enjoy the process and everything that comes with pregnancy. I want to buy and wear cute maternity clothes, I want to take cute maternity photos, I want strangers to stop me on the street and ask when I'm due...unfortunately, with my weight, none of that would be possible. I got to thinking that if I start those meds soon, I could technically get pregnant in a few months! That really worried me! I couldn't imagine being this size, plus gaining pregnancy weight and carrying a baby in my belly. I had voiced my concern before about this, and with my appointment getting closer and closer, this concern just multiplied! So the hubby and I had a serious discussion about whether or not this is something we should really pursue right now. And when I say "serious discussion", that's exactly what I mean; days and days of long conversations going back and forth on our decision. We finally settled on what the right thing is for us right now.
      At my appointment, I am going to suggest putting provera and clomid on the back burner at least until the end of summer or early fall. I do want to ask and find out if going back on birth control would be smart or not, because I think it could easily get me back on a cycle plus it would keep us "safe" while we take the summer off. I am going to work my butt off in the gym and with my diet to lose as much weight as possible in that time so that at least I'm healthier when we start trying again. Plus, I've heard even just losing 10 pounds can help with infertility and hormones...who knows. Honestly, my goal is to lose 40 pounds by my brother-in-laws wedding in October. I feel like it's possible because, so far, since Monday I've lost just short of 6 pounds! So fingers crossed that I can do it!
      Making this decision was extremely difficult for us as we truly and desperately crave a baby and being parents and starting our family. However, we both think this is the best decision for us at this time. I'm praying that I stick with this and that this summer goes by fast so that we can be TTC again! See how impatient I am? :)