Weighing Our Options

      The husband and I have been discussing and researching foster care a lot lately. Like A. LOT. We've even contacted a local agency with questions, so we'll see where that goes. Ultimately, if we decide to go ahead with this, we'd like to do foster care to eventually adopt. This would be the best way to go about adoption as far as finances are concerned, but emotionally, I think it'll be much more difficult. 

      In fact, I think I'm finally being honest with myself, and acknowledging that this isn't going to be as easy as we'd like. Throughout this research process, I have read countless articles, blog posts, and reviews, about how difficult foster care can be. I feel like I have a good grasp on both sides of the issue; all of the negatives and positives that come with foster care. However, with that said, my husband and I still constantly see this as only being a positive thing. Honestly, the way I see this going is that we'll sign up, get approved, get a baby/toddler, and within a year, we'll be able to legally adopt them. Boom. Done. 

      I KNOW THAT IT WON'T BE THAT EASY!! Like I said, realistically, that's not how it's going to happen. What if the parents fight hard to get the kid back? What if I become so attached, and then lose them? My heart is so big; I fall in love quickly and fall fast! I know before the dream of finalizing an adoption there is bound to be heartbreak! We could possibly go through a few kids before we get THE ONE. I just don't know if I can handle that! I want it to be easy and quick so that we can be parents.

      My other concern is that from the first meeting to the time we get approved, it could be a short two to three month process and we could have a child with us. I know that the soonest information meeting isn't until the end of April (2 months away). By the time the training, classes, and paperwork are finalized, and we get a child, it would be summer June/July. And our goal was, and still is, to lose enough weight so that we can resume TTC around June. So what happens if we sign up for foster care, get a child in June, start TTC also in June, and then become pregnant in the next few months; or would be have to push TTC back yet again? Could we handle our first full term (hopefully) pregnancy with a toddler/little kid running around? Could we handle being first time biological parents with foster kids potentially coming in and out of our home? Could we handle going through an adoption process with a baby? My husband says yes to all of those concerns. He has full faith in us. I suppose I do as well, but it is scary. 

      So many questions, concerns, and fears...We are praying like crazy about this; praying for an answer as to what to do! In the meantime, we are continuing our research and gathering information, so that we can make an informed, smart decision.