Uh...

      I am still bleeding every day! I know I'm sure you all want to stay up to date on this right?! Haha...
      Well, I'm just writing because it is seriously frustrating me. 27 straight days of bleeding. I just went to Costco and bought a major package of pads since it looks like I'll be needing them daily verses just a few days a month like normal women.
      Seriously, there is ZERO chance of getting pregnant due to this. Not only does it mean I'm not on a cycle necessary to ovulate and become pregnant, but it also leaves little room for intimacy with my husband. In these last 27 days we've had sex twice. TWO. TIMES. Ugh...it makes things gross and definitely unromantic. There is nothing special or sweet about our, uh, intimacy. I really can't complain and write all the frustrations here because my MIL reads this (HI!), but it is super annoying as I'm sure you can imagine!
     

       

My Boastful, Sinful Nature

      Today, through church, I was called out on my boastful, sinful nature. Let me tell you, I feel like I've been knocked off this high horse I thought I deserved to be on...huge sense of humility right here!
      I think I've briefly touched on this before, but through a guest speaker at church this morning, I felt this tug at my heart. Have you ever heard the story of the pharisee and the tax collector? Take a look at Luke 18: 9-14. Basically, the pharisee went in praying about all he does; about how great he is; about how much better is he than others, including the tax collector; about his sinLESS nature. The tax collector on the other hand went in admitting his sinful ways, calling himself plainly and simply a sinner and asking wholeheartedly for God's mercy. Even when you compare their body language and attitude: the pharisee went right up front, away from everyone else (in his eyes, away from all the sinners); while the tax collector stayed back, head bowed, and beating on his chest.

      Basically, what was taught today, was that the pharisee took the Behavioral Righteousness Approach; this includes a religious bubble (physically separating himself from others, acting out his words which also separated him from the sinners); beauty pageant (doing things to make himself look better than others such as the fasting); and being high and mighty. When we are more concerned with gaining acceptance from others by the behavioral righteousness approach, we are saying that we are better than God and that we know better. How many of you have done things at church or in the community that makes us look better? Like doing these acts, above and beyond, will make us more likely to get into Heaven. Or have thought, I'm a good person compared to so-and-so and therefore deserve this over them?
      The tax collector took the Credited Righteousness Approach, which is what we all should do! He mourned his sin and turned to God's mercy. He kept faith in God's provision, knowing that it is God, and God alone, who can set him free. John Piper said, "We are not justified by the righteousness that Christ works in us, but by the righteousness Christ is for us." We can do all of these acts and services and gain good recognition in our church and community, but it is not by these works we do that we gain acceptance. God gave us His only son, Jesus, as an example on how to live. He let His son die to forgive us of our sins. "Jesus experienced the ultimate rejection so we can experience the ultimate approval", Tim Keller. We are all sinners; every one's sin is different, but there isn't a scale as to who's sin is greater or less; in God's eyes sin is sin. (For example, I know some people who believe that a gay man sins more than himself who only watches porn. But to God, both are equally sin!)

      Anyway, I don't even know if I am making any sense to you, maybe you had to be in our church service this morning to get anything from this message. But, I wanted to share this story from Luke with you all because I am guilty of being exactly like the pharisee, but I want to strive to be more like the tax collector. I realized through this message today that I definitely took the first approach, especially during our TTC journey. I constantly prayed and compared myself to other women, and parents, telling God that I am a better woman than them, and therefore I deserve a baby more. I have a friend whom I love dearly, but she is currently pregnant with her 4th child and on her 3rd baby daddy, all of which shes never been married to. I prayed over and over again about how unfair God was being by allowing her all these babies, but allowing only miscarriages to me and my HUSBAND! Or anytime I would hear a story in the news about a mother/father abusing their children I would cry and question "Why are they allowed to be parents, and we're not?!" I'll be honest, it still doesn't make any sense. But what I've realized these last few months on this new relationship with the Lord, and definitely through today's service and bible story, is that I AM A SINNER; MY HUSBAND IS A SINNER! The sin of the unwed mother or abusive parents, while it is extreme to me, to God it is comparable to all of my sins. I am not a perfect person, I sin daily. All this time, I thought I was better than others and therefore deserved a baby more. But in reality, I am a sinner just like everyone else. I feel completely humbled by this lesson this week and will continue to strive to be more like the tax collector, as no acts or works can earn my acceptance with the Lord. He already accepts and loves me; I need to rely on His mercy and love to set me free!

Onward & Upward

      Medical bills are all paid off!  
      But besides that I'm at a loss for what to write about! Things have been going soo extrememly well that there's not much else happening. We are on track with our plan and are sticking to it 110%. We've been selling extra stuff still, including my husbands beloved XBOX (his decision), which is being put towards debt. And, I've been working over 40 hours a week (keep in mind my average week was about 25 previously), so that is also changing things for us! However, Thanksgiving break and Christmas break are coming up soon which means I will have a lot of down time. I contemplated getting a part time holiday job, but decided against it as I didn't want to have to stress about scheduling when I am doing my daycare. And, we are both still donating plasma twice a week which is bringing in the majority of our extra money towards debt.
      It has been 3 full weeks since our Sacrifice Plan has begun and we are well on our way to being debt free. Smallest first credit card is paid off, medical bills are paid off, and so far an extra $200 has been put towards our next smallest credit card.
      For me, the hardest part has been not shopping. I want to be shopping for Christmas presents for our families and friends, but we're not giving gifts this year which will save us easily a few hundred dollars this holiday season! The hardest part for my husband has been not eating out. I can't even count how many times he's asked to go to Taco Bell to eat (TB IS HIS OBSESSION)! During these last 2 1/2 years of marriage, we have both lacked obedience and willpower when it comes to spending money, especially eating out, but we are remaining so strong in this time of sacrifice! I do believe it's God's strength, love, and grace getting us through this time!

Progress

      Well, I'm happy to report that our smallest credit card is officially paid off! It was only a balance of $250 we owed, but having it gone feels wonderful! And, it is also was our smallest monthly payment of $25, but now that that card is paid off, that $25 will go towards our next credit card!
      We are making very good progress and are super proud of ourselves. To some our progress wouldn't mean much, but to us it's everything! It's been awhile since we've set a goal and budget and stuck to it 100%. We are extremely proud of the fact that we haven't eaten out once since we started this! :)
      I am still bleeding...I'm pretty certain that I'm back to my old ways of bleeding everyday which disappoints me! I guess we really are taking the next year off! I'm wondering if I should just go back on birth control...maybe it would help me get back on a cycle, or at least prevent me from bleeding daily!? I'm not sure yet.

Help Me Find It

      Period? Not sure. I mentioned 5 days ago that I had been spotting well that stopped that evening. But today, late afternoon, I started spotting again. I wouldn't say that it's an actual flow, but it is enough for a thin, regular pad. As I was wondering again if it would turn into a period, I got to thinking that I used to spot like this daily before starting Progesterone. So now that I'm no longer on that medicine, I wonder if my body is going back to that? If so, I will be really frustrated! Praying that that isn't the case!
      Anyway, I heard this song on K-Love this afternoon- Help Me Find It by Sidewalk Prophets. I was waiting in the car to get my daycare kiddo from preschool and ended up being a little late to go in because I was just dumbstruck by this song and how it fits me! As I sat there, with tears in my eyes, I prayed over and over the words of this song. I feel like there are so many areas in my life that I am trying to change right now and though I know I can't do it without Jesus, I sometimes still have a hard time letting go. I will just leave you with this song; maybe it will touch you as it touched me!

(I was on mobile and couldn't see the video so if that's the case for you, here is the link: Help Me Find It)

Two Steps Backwards

      Thankfully we have been doing really well with not spending and making extra money to save, but we've gotten some extra bills in the mail too so we're not actually ahead like we thought! So frustrating! I just got my first bill from August for a progesterone blood test I did- $157...what makes me mad about this is that my doctors office never asked me if I wanted to pay it that day. Had they asked, and had I paid it, I would have received a discount and therefore saved some money. Anyway, so I'm just now getting this bill. And, from our most recent trip home last month, we didn't have cash for two toll roads and my hubby thought we could just use our debit card...turns out ya can't and we went through the "no cash/EZ Pass" lane...so we got two bills in the mail each with an additional $25 fee. Sucks! So all extra money from last week and this week getting put towards debt is now going to be paid to these new bills!
      Thankfully this hasn't brought us down too much and we are still staying on track!

So Far, So Good...

      We officially started our new journey yesterday, however, we were actually following all of the rules since this past Sunday!
      This week I continued donating plasma for the extra cash. I also picked up any and every extra hour offered with my daycare families this week which was a nice little bit of extra change. And to top it off, I added a bunch of items online to sell and just yesterday I made an extra $51 from doing that! So this week alone, we've put an extra $192 towards debt! I can't even tell you how happy that makes me!
      I also started spotting yesterday, and today, so who knows what this means. I'm interested in seeing if it turns into a period or not. I'm currently on CD43!
      That's all for now! :)