Saturday, January 25, 2014
NO BLEEDING?!
IT HAS BEEN ABOUT 11 DAYS SINCE I LAST BLED! WOOHOO!!! It has been wonderful to be pad-free for about a week and a half! I could seriously get used to this! I'm hoping that this will be my new normal! Fingers Crossed!
Friday, January 10, 2014
RIP Grandpa
At 11pm last night, he told my grandma to call an ambulance, because he wasn't feeling well. So she did, and they took him to the hospital a little later. He had a seizure on the way to the ER and was unconscious upon arrival. My parents arrived to the hospital sometime after 1am and my sister finally came at 3; I'm glad they all got to be with him! They called me a little after 4am but of course I didn't hear it! I got up a little after 5am and called them back and my dad told me he passed away! Instant tears!
I'm feeling rather guilty. I meant to call him yesterday! I kept putting it off or forgetting and never got around to it! Even if he couldn't have talked to me yesterday, he would have known I was thinking about him. I feel terrible. But, I know that he knew that I love him.
I can't stop thinking about the reunion he must have had with his son, my uncle, Tony (he died before I was born in a drinking and driving accident)- I'm sure it was glorious!
My sister and I were chatting on the phone this morning sharing memories and love for our grandpa. I admitted that I also feel bad that I wasn't able to give him his first great grandchild. We started talking about how my grandpa is probably up there right now begging God to finally give us our baby! He was a hilarious man, he had such a young and goofy sense of humor. Picturing him up there talking to God about giving us a baby made us laugh! I know that if I get pregnant soon, that he probably had a hand in helping! Especially if we have a boy; he so badly wanted a grandson, but got stuck with only my sister and me! :)
EDIT: I was just reminded that my grandpa is in Heaven probably holding my angel babies right now! I can't believe I didn't think of this myself! My heart is rejoicing at the thought of this! I hope they get to enjoy each other until one day, in the far future, I get to join them!
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| RIP Ralph Ernest Curtis Jr 1/1/42-1/10/14 |
Sunday, January 5, 2014
Updates
Few updates...
BC- well it's not working so well! Today I should be starting my period, but for the last couple weeks I have been bleeding really bad. Before BC, I bled daily but it was light and I only wore a thin, regular pad for the whole day. Now, on BC, I've been going through 3 super pads daily. The bleeding is extremely heavy and full of clots! It's disgusting! I am waiting to see what happens during this week where I should be having a period (to monitor how the bleeding changes) and then I'm going to get in to see my doctor. This just isn't normal! And frankly, I'm really sick of it! Not to mention, that now that I'm on BC I have cramps like you wouldn't believe! My heating pad is now my best friend!
Gym- went today for the first time in forever! I did a good cardio workout for my first time back! This week my husband and I are getting up early and going before work together! We like our sleep, but we decided to be dedicated to doing it at least this week to see if we have more energy throughout the day!
Diet- probably not going to do paleo. It's so restrictive! However, I am eating as much whole foods as possible! I am also limiting my grains and dairy to one serving a day; and cutting my sugar intake drastically! We went to Costco this weekend and spent way too much money on healthy foods, but I suppose that's a good thing! :) I now have no excuses as far as snacks go- lots of good options; and we have some healthy meals planned for the next two weeks!
Grandpa- he's home! That is good news! His pneumonia is gone so they let him go home on Friday! However, the doctors, as well as my family, don't think he has much longer with us here! My dad thinks maybe only a few more months! I wish I could get home soon to see him before he does pass, but I don't think that's a possibility as I'm now back to work again 5 days a week!
My Lord- working wonders in me! I have stuck with my daily devotions and Bible reading so far. In all honesty, I've never made it even a week before I gave up, so I'm proud of myself! It seems that almost every Sunday I leave church feeling like I have a purpose! I know that God put me on this TTC journey to grow in Him and share His word with others who are struggling with a similar situation. I have this huge pull on my heart to use this journey to help others and bring them to Jesus. However, I still feel like I'm not a good witness yet. I feel like I don't know how to talk to others about the Lord since I still don't know everything that I can about Him. I suppose there is so much to learn , constantly, that I probably never will know everything. Anyway, I am praying really hard for Him to speak through me and guide me in this whole process! We shall see where this goes...
BC- well it's not working so well! Today I should be starting my period, but for the last couple weeks I have been bleeding really bad. Before BC, I bled daily but it was light and I only wore a thin, regular pad for the whole day. Now, on BC, I've been going through 3 super pads daily. The bleeding is extremely heavy and full of clots! It's disgusting! I am waiting to see what happens during this week where I should be having a period (to monitor how the bleeding changes) and then I'm going to get in to see my doctor. This just isn't normal! And frankly, I'm really sick of it! Not to mention, that now that I'm on BC I have cramps like you wouldn't believe! My heating pad is now my best friend!
Gym- went today for the first time in forever! I did a good cardio workout for my first time back! This week my husband and I are getting up early and going before work together! We like our sleep, but we decided to be dedicated to doing it at least this week to see if we have more energy throughout the day!
Diet- probably not going to do paleo. It's so restrictive! However, I am eating as much whole foods as possible! I am also limiting my grains and dairy to one serving a day; and cutting my sugar intake drastically! We went to Costco this weekend and spent way too much money on healthy foods, but I suppose that's a good thing! :) I now have no excuses as far as snacks go- lots of good options; and we have some healthy meals planned for the next two weeks!
Grandpa- he's home! That is good news! His pneumonia is gone so they let him go home on Friday! However, the doctors, as well as my family, don't think he has much longer with us here! My dad thinks maybe only a few more months! I wish I could get home soon to see him before he does pass, but I don't think that's a possibility as I'm now back to work again 5 days a week!
My Lord- working wonders in me! I have stuck with my daily devotions and Bible reading so far. In all honesty, I've never made it even a week before I gave up, so I'm proud of myself! It seems that almost every Sunday I leave church feeling like I have a purpose! I know that God put me on this TTC journey to grow in Him and share His word with others who are struggling with a similar situation. I have this huge pull on my heart to use this journey to help others and bring them to Jesus. However, I still feel like I'm not a good witness yet. I feel like I don't know how to talk to others about the Lord since I still don't know everything that I can about Him. I suppose there is so much to learn , constantly, that I probably never will know everything. Anyway, I am praying really hard for Him to speak through me and guide me in this whole process! We shall see where this goes...
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
2014
So on top of paying off ALL credit card debt this year, we have a few other resolutions we are working on. We are going to read through the Bible this year, as well as do a 365 daily devotional book. And the most important thing we are going to do is lose weight.
Yes, I know! Isn't that everybody's new years resolution?! Its been mine for probably the last few years! And I NEVER stay with it! Ever. Heck, you all know if you were reading my blog this past summer! I did really well working out and eating healthily for a few months and then one thing led to another and I was back to my old lifestyle. What is going to make this time different? I don't know.
Husband and I are starting a Paleo diet- to get processed and refined foods out of our diets! Basically, we just want to eat more whole foods! We also are leaving Planet Fitness to join the gym literally down the road from us. We liked PF because it was bigger and was cheaper, however it is a good 25 minute drive from our house and with monthly fees and weekly gas spent traveling there 4+ times a week, it would be way cheaper to join the gym we can walk to! It will fit better into my schedule as making time to drive out to PF, workout, drive home, then get ready wasn't happening before work. Now however, I won't have the added 50+ minutes of drive time every morning and can easily get a workout in before I head to work!
I want to lose 50 pounds by May or June this summer. If I do that, I will go off BC and TTC will be back on! (Speaking of BC--I'm still bleeding everyday, and it's getting worse! UGH) My ultimate goal for 2014 is to get under 200 pounds! Which is doable if I lose on average 6 pounds a month. :)
So this evening, my husband and I were taking what will be "before" photos, taking our measurements, and stepping on that dreaded scale. I haven't weighed myself in quiet awhile as I know the number just keeps rising. Every time I've attempted to lose weight I've just told my husband how much weight I need to lose or have lost. "Woohoo! I lost 3 pounds this week!" "Only 50 more pounds til I reach my first goal." That sort of thing. But this time...hubby said I should tell him. We literally stood around the scale for a good 20+ minutes arguing over whether or not he should be allowed to see how much I weigh. Finally, I gave in as I really do want his full support; and after he promised it wouldn't make him see me any differently; he promised over and over that he loves me regardless of that scale and I know that to be true. So I stepped on the scale and for the first time since we've known each other he was able to see how much I weigh. Total. In pounds. MOST EMBARRASSING AND HORRIFYING MOMENT OF MY LIFE! I cried afterwards. He comforted me. All is now okay!
And, now that he knows my weight, I don't feel as ashamed of it. I mean it's horrible...I have a lot of work ahead of me! But now that he knows and I still have his undying love and support, it finally seems like just a number! And because of this...I am taking a huge leap in accountability and sharing my dreaded number with you all.
272.7
Ah...there! Still just a number! An unhealthy, large number, but just a number nonetheless.
Wish me luck!
Yes, I know! Isn't that everybody's new years resolution?! Its been mine for probably the last few years! And I NEVER stay with it! Ever. Heck, you all know if you were reading my blog this past summer! I did really well working out and eating healthily for a few months and then one thing led to another and I was back to my old lifestyle. What is going to make this time different? I don't know.
Husband and I are starting a Paleo diet- to get processed and refined foods out of our diets! Basically, we just want to eat more whole foods! We also are leaving Planet Fitness to join the gym literally down the road from us. We liked PF because it was bigger and was cheaper, however it is a good 25 minute drive from our house and with monthly fees and weekly gas spent traveling there 4+ times a week, it would be way cheaper to join the gym we can walk to! It will fit better into my schedule as making time to drive out to PF, workout, drive home, then get ready wasn't happening before work. Now however, I won't have the added 50+ minutes of drive time every morning and can easily get a workout in before I head to work!
I want to lose 50 pounds by May or June this summer. If I do that, I will go off BC and TTC will be back on! (Speaking of BC--I'm still bleeding everyday, and it's getting worse! UGH) My ultimate goal for 2014 is to get under 200 pounds! Which is doable if I lose on average 6 pounds a month. :)
So this evening, my husband and I were taking what will be "before" photos, taking our measurements, and stepping on that dreaded scale. I haven't weighed myself in quiet awhile as I know the number just keeps rising. Every time I've attempted to lose weight I've just told my husband how much weight I need to lose or have lost. "Woohoo! I lost 3 pounds this week!" "Only 50 more pounds til I reach my first goal." That sort of thing. But this time...hubby said I should tell him. We literally stood around the scale for a good 20+ minutes arguing over whether or not he should be allowed to see how much I weigh. Finally, I gave in as I really do want his full support; and after he promised it wouldn't make him see me any differently; he promised over and over that he loves me regardless of that scale and I know that to be true. So I stepped on the scale and for the first time since we've known each other he was able to see how much I weigh. Total. In pounds. MOST EMBARRASSING AND HORRIFYING MOMENT OF MY LIFE! I cried afterwards. He comforted me. All is now okay!
And, now that he knows my weight, I don't feel as ashamed of it. I mean it's horrible...I have a lot of work ahead of me! But now that he knows and I still have his undying love and support, it finally seems like just a number! And because of this...I am taking a huge leap in accountability and sharing my dreaded number with you all.
272.7
Ah...there! Still just a number! An unhealthy, large number, but just a number nonetheless.
Wish me luck!
Friday, December 27, 2013
My Grandpa
I do not have a very festive spirit today. I took down all my Christmas stuff and put them all away! My house is back to normal. Usually I leave my Christmas decor up until a few days after New Years, as long as I can, but I wanted them down now!
So, my grandpa is in the hospital! He has pneumonia and another infection. When I was in high school, he had to have a lung transplant. After that he had multiple lung infections and has almost died a few times. Thankfully, each time he's pulled through. Last year he was on a waiting list for another lung transplant but for a whatever reason it never happened. His breathing keeps getting worse and worse and he's become very immobile, as walking even a few steps is too much for him to handle before he'd lose his breath and have to stop. Anyway, he went to the local hospital in Grand Rapids, MI yesterday but after talking with his specialist in Ann Arbor, they decided to move him to The University of Michigan hospital.
When my dad called me last night to tell me grandpa was in the hospital, he suggested we start thinking about how we'll get home for a funeral. He also said to have my husband check into how much time he gets off for a loved ones passing. This made me really depressed even though we really don't know too much right now. My husband is telling me not to worry until we know more but I am feeling really guilty. My grandpa so badly wanted us to make him a great grandpa. He was so excited for future grand babies. Every time we'd see him he'd ask what was going on and how the whole TTC situation was coming along. He said he was holding on so that he could be around to meet our baby. Since I am on BC now and the whole baby making process is on hold for another 9-10 months, it feels hopeless to say he'll be around when we finally do get pregnant and have a baby.
Also, a friend announced she's having a boy the other day, and another friend announced her pregnancy to me yesterday too. I know deep down I am happy for them, but I can't help but feel really bitter and jealous today! I think I need to go spend some time in my Bible and in prayer in hopes that I will be able to let these emotions go.
So, my grandpa is in the hospital! He has pneumonia and another infection. When I was in high school, he had to have a lung transplant. After that he had multiple lung infections and has almost died a few times. Thankfully, each time he's pulled through. Last year he was on a waiting list for another lung transplant but for a whatever reason it never happened. His breathing keeps getting worse and worse and he's become very immobile, as walking even a few steps is too much for him to handle before he'd lose his breath and have to stop. Anyway, he went to the local hospital in Grand Rapids, MI yesterday but after talking with his specialist in Ann Arbor, they decided to move him to The University of Michigan hospital.
Also, a friend announced she's having a boy the other day, and another friend announced her pregnancy to me yesterday too. I know deep down I am happy for them, but I can't help but feel really bitter and jealous today! I think I need to go spend some time in my Bible and in prayer in hopes that I will be able to let these emotions go.
Monday, December 23, 2013
Have a Merry Christmas
It's been a little while since I've updated. I am taking my birth control, but I'm still bleeding daily. Maybe it'll take a few cycles to fix things...
My parents were here last week to celebrate an early Christmas. We had a wonderful time! However, we're still sad that we can't make it home this year for the actual day!
Our debt plan is still going really well! However, we have slipped and have ate out a bit. I think it's impossible to give up eating out cold turkey like we thought! I think only another month and our next credit card will be paid off! Things are moving along faster than we anticipated! Being obedient is an amazing thing! :)
Anyway, I pray you all have a very Merry Christmas!
Friday, December 6, 2013
Birth Control
Just picked up my prescription for birth control, Ortho Cyclen. This should regulate me and stop the daily bleeding which I'm looking forward to! However, I'm sad about starting it too. Logically I know we cannot get pregnant right now on our own, but there was always a little glimmer of hope. I hoped it'd just magically happen. After all, we weren't preventing it, so why couldn't it?! I know, I know...cause of the no ovulation thing and the stupid bleeding issue (like I said, logically, I know we can't get pregnant). Everyone kept commenting, saying now that we aren't trying and stressing over it that it'll just happen. I guess I hoped they were right!
Now though we are technically preventing it and that bothers me! I'm hoping I can focus on losing weight/getting healthy and then can get off of it sooner rather than later!
I will also admit that I have this daydream in the back of my head about getting pregnant right after I stop taking it again! When we first decided to start TTC it was October 2011 (that was my last full cycle on BC), we got pregnant right away! We found out the beginning of December that we were pregnant and then miscarried later that month! So maybe, just maybe, that will also happen this time around. Wouldn't that be wonderful!?! A girl can dream anyway...
Wish me luck on BC! Pray for me, that this helps regulate me and stops the daily bleeding!
Now though we are technically preventing it and that bothers me! I'm hoping I can focus on losing weight/getting healthy and then can get off of it sooner rather than later!
I will also admit that I have this daydream in the back of my head about getting pregnant right after I stop taking it again! When we first decided to start TTC it was October 2011 (that was my last full cycle on BC), we got pregnant right away! We found out the beginning of December that we were pregnant and then miscarried later that month! So maybe, just maybe, that will also happen this time around. Wouldn't that be wonderful!?! A girl can dream anyway...
Wish me luck on BC! Pray for me, that this helps regulate me and stops the daily bleeding!
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