New Insight

      So I was just watching 700 Club on TV…I’ve never watched this before. In fact, I remember when I was younger and it would come on in the mornings I’d get so frustrated and instantly turn the channel. Well, it came on after Boy Meets World on ABCFamily a bit ago, and I decided to stick it out to see what it was about. The first story was of a husband and wife who gave birth to twin girls who had fluid on their brains and ended up dying 11 days later. Yeah, sounds heartbreaking right!? Well, I’m sharing this with you because I got so much out of their story.

      As you can imagine they really struggled with God after this happened and couldn’t understand “why us”; “why them”; “where were You”? All I kept thinking about was how that was my husband and I, and has been him and I ever since our miscarriages. We still can’t grasp why this happened to us and why we’re having such difficulty conceiving now. Each time we’ve had the miscarriage, or gotten a BFN since then we curl up in a ball and become depressed, thinking all of these horrible negative thoughts towards God. The other thing was that by doing this, we became scared to share this with others. I’ve come a long way, and don’t mind being upfront and honest, but my husband still has a difficult time with it. His concern (and sometimes mine) is that if people know we’re losing babies and having difficulty TTC what will they think of us? Also, if we tell others that we are pregnant, and then have another miscarriage, not only are we hurt but our friends and family would be hurt too. Why should we put that pain on them as well? And sharing all this hurt with people makes us vulnerable and honestly almost appear broken.

      What I’ve taken away from that couples struggles was this…it’s okay to be transparent; it’s okay to be real and express your true feelings and emotions; it’s okay to be vulnerable…because will all of this comes humility. Becoming depressed and sad is sometimes hard to avoid, however you have a choice with what you’re going to do with it. Crawling into a ball, climbing into bed, and removing yourself from the rest of the world allows the devil and negativity into your heart. Once that happens, you will continue to turn more and more away from God. Obviously that’s not what we want.

      Also, keeping our emotions in and developing a fear of man and trying to put on a façade to hide yourself from others will only make you more abandoned and more afraid to deal with that helplessness. Opening up, expressing yourself, becoming transparent, and sharing your weaknesses, pain, and fears before the Lord will you give a stronger identity. God knows you inside and out, even when we don’t express to him our pain and fears, He knows them, so why not be honest? Trusting and leaning on God’s word even through rough times makes God’s presence upon our hearts genuine. It’s so easy to give up in difficult times. 

      I discussed before my fear about sharing the news of a new pregnancy right away; this fear was on my mind while watching this program. I’m going to be transparent. I’m going to express myself through this process. I’m not going to turn inward in fear and pain. I am going to remain hopeful and trusting of God. Even if a new pregnancy ends in another miscarriage, I will survive and make it through that pain with God, family, and friends just as I have before.