Today, through church, I was called out on my boastful, sinful nature. Let me tell you, I feel like I've been knocked off this high horse I thought I deserved to be on...huge sense of humility right here!
I think I've briefly touched on this before, but through a guest speaker at church this morning, I felt this tug at my heart. Have you ever heard the story of the pharisee and the tax collector? Take a look at
Luke 18: 9-14. Basically, the pharisee went in praying about all he does; about how great he is; about how much better is he than others, including the tax collector; about his sinLESS nature. The tax collector on the other hand went in admitting his sinful ways, calling himself plainly and simply a sinner and asking wholeheartedly for God's mercy. Even when you compare their body language and attitude: the pharisee went right up front, away from everyone else (in his eyes, away from all the sinners); while the tax collector stayed back, head bowed, and beating on his chest.
Basically, what was taught today, was that the pharisee took the Behavioral Righteousness Approach; this includes a religious bubble (physically separating himself from others, acting out his words which also separated him from the sinners); beauty pageant (doing things to make himself look better than others such as the fasting); and being high and mighty. When we are more concerned with gaining acceptance from others by the behavioral righteousness approach, we are saying that we are better than God and that we know better. How many of you have done things at church or in the community that makes us look better? Like doing these acts, above and beyond, will make us more likely to get into Heaven. Or have thought, I'm a good person compared to so-and-so and therefore deserve this over them?
The tax collector took the Credited Righteousness Approach, which is what we all should do! He mourned his sin and turned to God's mercy. He kept faith in God's provision, knowing that it is God, and God alone, who can set him free. John Piper said, "
We are not justified by the righteousness that Christ works in us, but by the righteousness Christ is for us." We can do all of these acts and services and gain good recognition in our church and community, but it is not by these works we do that we gain acceptance. God gave us His only son, Jesus, as an example on how to live. He let His son die to forgive us of our sins. "
Jesus experienced the ultimate rejection so we can experience the ultimate approval", Tim Keller. We are all sinners; every one's sin is different, but there isn't a scale as to who's sin is greater or less; in God's eyes sin is sin. (For example, I know some people who believe that a gay man sins more than himself who only watches porn. But to God, both are equally sin!)
Anyway, I don't even know if I am making any sense to you, maybe you had to be in our church service this morning to get anything from this message. But, I wanted to share this story from Luke with you all because I am guilty of being exactly like the pharisee, but I want to strive to be more like the tax collector. I realized through this message today that I definitely took the first approach, especially during our TTC journey. I constantly prayed and compared myself to other women, and parents, telling God that I am a better woman than them, and therefore I deserve a baby more. I have a friend whom I love dearly, but she is currently pregnant with her 4th child and on her 3rd baby daddy, all of which shes never been married to. I prayed over and over again about how unfair God was being by allowing her all these babies, but allowing only miscarriages to me and my HUSBAND! Or anytime I would hear a story in the news about a mother/father abusing their children I would cry and question "Why are they allowed to be parents, and we're not?!" I'll be honest, it still doesn't make any sense. But what I've realized these last few months on this new relationship with the Lord, and definitely through today's service and bible story, is that I AM A SINNER; MY HUSBAND IS A SINNER! The sin of the unwed mother or abusive parents, while it is extreme to me, to God it is comparable to all of my sins. I am not a perfect person, I sin daily. All this time, I thought I was better than others and therefore deserved a baby more. But in reality, I am a sinner just like everyone else. I feel completely humbled by this lesson this week and will continue to strive to be more like the tax collector, as no acts or works can earn my acceptance with the Lord. He already accepts and loves me; I need to rely on His mercy and love to set me free!
